The Last Days

The last days of my grandfather's life were terrible to say the least. He began to have continuous pain which required stronger medication. At first, I felt medicating him was not necessary, but the suffering he was enduring was unbearable for him and us. Of course, the goal of hospice is to make the patient comfortable. The medicine helped ease his pain at first, but then it stopped. He would scream in agony pulling at his chest gasping for air. It was so difficult to see and not know what to do for him. It became necessary to medicate around the clock which helped him rest. He then drifted into complete unconsciousness. Sometimes, I thought he might know we were there. The nurses said he could hear us so my mother read scripture to him and gave him permission to leave us. It is hard to say, but a necessary process of death. Seeing him in this state was extremely hard for all of us. As the days passed, it became increasingly more difficult to watch the process of death. I have never experienced anything like it and pray I never have to again. We stayed constantly at his side, listening in the baby monitor, or watching him from the living room. By Sunday, nothing seemed any different. I tried to stay busy so I opened his door to the porch and began going through his old sermon tapes. I called myself playing them for him to hear. Later, I put a gospel music tape in his stereo as I continued to clean right outside his room. I could see him which was comforting to me for some reason. I didn't want to leave - neither one of us did. It is hard to explain as difficult to watch it was necessary to finish the process together. I remember walking outside for a moment and then walked back into the house to his room. His mouth began to close which was very strange because it had been wide open for two days. I was standing over him when the most incredible thing happened that I hope will continue to stay etched in my memory forever. He closed his mouth and smiled. Smiled. How perfect! I called my mom in the room and we sat with him as his breathing became more shallow and labored. About 15 minutes later with my mother holding his hand, he left us. What makes this even more incredibly sweet is the gospel music tape was playing "Sweet Sweet Spirit" (my grandmother's favorite hymn) and after the hymn was finished the tape stopped. Oh, what he might have seen? Isn't God GOOD!!! As hard as all of this was, I am so thankful for the opportunity to care for him and be with him on his last days on this earth!